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During this season, our church and individual members often choose to help out some families to have a Christmas made special for their children. Our experiences are often mixed. I often tell myself that one does these acts of kindness not to receive gratitude, but to show the grace of God. Very few of us deserve grace, nor do we thank God for the grace shown us.
Last year, a man called who needed help to buy presents for his children. He gave me the list of desired presents. I priced them all and found it would cost about $100. In a day or so, someone from the church handed me $100 to buy those gifts. I knew the Spirit was working. But then, he was unable to come to the church to pick the gifts up. He asked me to drive them to his house. And he would always ask me to come when his kids were in school. He took the gifts with a thank you, but it wasn't very effusive. I felt a bit disappointed. Here we were giving great gifts and even delivering them, and he didn't seem grateful. After Christmas, I thought he might call and tell us how much his family loved their presents. But nothing.
Later, I read more about values that many people in poverty hold. Most men who cannot provide for their families are very shamed that they cannot buy presents, and feel they are failing their families. So this man wanted his children to believe that he, their father, had done the providing. He didn't want them to see themselves as recipients of charity, but rather as children of a caring father. Indeed, he had provided. He had humbled himself enough to call our church. He did the wrapping, he did the gift selection. What we unknowingly needed to give him, beyond the presents, was his dignity and pride as a father and head of the household.
This year, I prayed and found a single mom who needed presents for her family. I went shopping, and purchased the presents. I also felt led to give her a substantial (for me) financial gift. We were communicating via email. I told her I would come to her house to drop off the gifts but she seemed reluctant to do that. I did call her and ask if I could come, but she wasn't home. She suggested I meet her at work. So I went to her work place, armed only with her name. We had never met. Her boss said she was too busy to see me. So I left and came back an hour later. I talked again with a co-worker, and saw that she would still be too busy to see me. So I told the co-worker that I had purchased some presents for her son, knowing she needed help. I asked the co-worker to give her the bag. I left. I waited, no news from her. I emailed, please at least tell me if you received anything. Silence.
I tried to think if I had offended her. I thought that I could have been more tactful when I talked with her co-worker. I could have said something like,
Oh, _____ asked me to pick these up for her when I went shopping and I need to give them to her." Instead, I had made it obvious that I was giving charity to her. I had had no right to embarrass her in that way. I had forgotten the dignity issue. I was too busy enjoying letting someone see that I was generous.
In the end, I did get an email, thanking me and she even sent me a picture of her son for whom I had shopped.
Believe me, it is difficult to ask for help, but people will sacrifice their pride for their kids. It is our job to restore that dignity and to help the parent realize that asking was their part of provision. Those gifts are from them, as surely as if they had purchased them themselves. |
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